The dark sky in cloud has been lingering around for a few days. The random and intermittent rain that washed away dust and dirt on the ground. Somehow the sky knew what was about to come.
The feeling has slowly started to sink into my mind. This is one of the day I have been anticipating. And now it has come true. And whether like it or not, I need to get on with it.
All of the sudden, every memory seems to come back. Where it all started, and how I got hooked up on you. That smile of yours in that very first photograph that I saw is one of the most soothing smile I’ve seen. And everyday ever since, I started to paint the dream girl in my imaginary world, based on the impression I get from you. Spending time too much on my own thinking about you is never a good idea. As days go by, I stepped further into a path of no return. I have started to become obsessed with my own thoughts. I’ve got no idea whether this feeling was real or was it just a mere crush. However, one thing I knew subconsciously (and tried to deny it by maintaining an open-minded thinking) was that the feeling wasn’t mutual. And on the last day I saw you that year, I was hoping to see you again in the future, under a better timing. Deep down inside, I knew that better timing might never come. But at least I saw your smile again on that day. That music CD that I gave you was just an excuse to see you one more time.
Now that the “good news” have sunk into my mind, I need to remind myself to wash away all the thoughts and the remaining hope I have given myself. The day that I’ve wished for will never come to reality anymore. Not for a very long time, at the least. I don’t know if writing this blog is a good idea. Apart from being a place where I can let go all my thoughts, it doesn’t serve any positive purpose. I just hope that it can at least lift some of my pain away. It would be a lie if I said I don’t feel upset at all. But come to think of it, this is not the end of the world. And besides, I should feel happy for you instead. There’s a saying that goes “Loving someone doesn’t necessarily means owing someone”. Whatever decision you took, I know it’s the best. So I support it and wish you all the best.
I have doubt if you’ll ever find your way into this blog entry at all. You probably don’t need to listen to what I thought and what I said. I am just one of your many and very ordinary friends anyway. If there’s anything that you’ll ever pick after reading this blog, I guess it would be unnecessary thoughts and annoyance. And I don’t think that’s beneficial to any party involved. Whatever I wrote and said won’t change anything. But on the other hand, my egoistical mind would want you to read it. Why else would I refer to you as “You” here if it’s not for you to read? I just wanted you to know what’s in my thought. Indirectly.
I hope by the end of this, I’ll be able to stand up and move forward again. After all, we’re still friends.